Kelly Story
by Kate and Mary
Summary: The way Ned Kelly should have been. Pity we can't rewrite history...


Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters in this story and borrowed heavily from several movies, namely Ned Kelly which was based on the book Our Sunshine. For any non-Aussie out there, the four Kelly Gang members and several of the policemen were actual people whose story sadly did not turn out as well as this one. If you want to know what REALLY happened to these infamous bushrangers (Aussie heroes) go to  . it is a very good story and every self respecting Australian should be familiar with it.

As Tanja's sweet voice rang out over the crowded room, Lorelie weaved her way through the people serving the drinks. Neither of them expected this night to change their monotonous lives to one more exciting than they could ever imagine.

A loud, melodious voice drowned out from the doorway and even Tanja stopped singing. "Anyone care to see this monkey do a backflip?"

Four, well-armed men had walked into the bar, guns drawn and heads high. The leader had a monkey sitting on his shoulder. Lorelie and Tanja exchanged a look, masking their excitement. They had made countless journeys into town and studied the Wanted posters plastered everywhere. They were the Kelly Gang.

The men moved quickly to block any exits from the inn and confiscating weapons. Ned remained by the door and asserted his authority. Steve moved to a corner crowded with rich-looking men, hoping to pick a pocket or three. He looked bitterly disappointed when they all moved away from him. Dan flopped into a chair and tried to look older than his seventeen years. Joe Byrne strategically manoeuvred himself near the bar and Lorelie.

"Well then, how about beer and a song?"

"How about that backflip you promised us?" Lorelie replied tartly.

"You mean the monkey?"

"Exactly."

Joe finally caught on and turned red, and even Ned smiled as Tanja began belting out the circus tune on the ancient keyboard. He ordered drinks all round and the general hubbub resumed. Sitting on beside her on the stool he asked smugly, "So how was my entrance."

"Seen better, seen worse," she answered with a shrug. "Been rehearsing?"

"Nah, I guess it just comes naturally," said he, escaping before she could fluster him again. Meeting Joe at a table, he spoke in undertones. "What ever happened to demure wenches and sweet singers?"

"I think they died out in the eighteenth century. I like it!" came the reply, accompanied by the wink that had served him and many maidens over the years.

Unnerved by the sight of so many extra loaded guns in the inn, Lorelie continued to keep glasses filled and approached a quiet table in the corner occupied by three men. "Another whisky Mr Curnow?"

Schoolmaster Curnow didn't reply. His disapproving gaze was fixed upon the four bushrangers scattered around the crowded tavern. Finally Mr Bracken waved her away.

Still in high spirits, Ned called across to Tanja. "Don't sing yourself hoarse, darlin'. Here, I'll shout you a beer."

Unable to turn down an invitation by the most well known criminal, Tanja left the stage with too much haste to look inconspicuous. Ned looked pleased to see that he could fluster her as well. She caught the look, and muttered, just loud enough for the two of them, "Smug bastard." Joe tactfully developed the need to leave the table to leave them alone. Returning to the bar, he leant across to Lorelie and with practiced ease and a charming smile, attempted to win her affection by pushing a drink towards her and conveniently displaying his biceps. She shoved the glass away. "Someone around here needs to keep their wits about them."

He considered this blasphemous remark for a moment, and let it pass as temporary insanity, whatever she may say about 'wits'.

"Do you like roses?" he asked to pass the moment.

Lorelie was immediately won over as he seemed to pull a rose out of nowhere. He grimaced as a thorn scratched his wrist and Lorelie struggled to contain her laughter and the urge to kiss it better.

Steve's triumphant laughter resounded above the hum of noise.

"Steve, give it back," Ned ordered without taking his eyes off Tanja. With an astounded and annoyed look, Steve returned the purse to a bewildered merchant.

"What time's the train due Ned?" Dan called from his part of the room.

"Early mornin'," he replied.

Tanja looked confused. "What train? Why did you come here? It's not like you can get a decent meal and a bed."

He winked at her. "Maybe we could test that theory." Only those with a quick eye saw her pointed toe connect with his shin. But everybody heard his shout and saw her grin.

Joe grimaced. "Now there's something I won't be tryin'. But best get the crowd filled in Neddy-boy."

Ned limped his way to the centre of the room. "May I have your attention please, ladies, gentlemen and monkeys?"

"Which category do you fall under?" Lorelie whispered to Joe.

The room quickly went silent and Ned continued. "In a few short hours, everyone one of you shall be a witness to history. A showdown between good and evil, the righteous and the corrupt, the…"

"Oh, pull your head out of your arse and get to the point!" Tanja interrupted, reckless from the beer.

"Very well then. A train of coppers is racin' this way even as we speak. But we have put our own plan into action. One, Aaron just shot dead, as arranged." Joe caught his breath. "Two, the Police Special from Benalla therefore comin' for us, as arranged. Three, the line torn up to send the train to hell, as arranged. Four, the Benalla banks thus unprotected, as arranged. Five, the townspeople all rounded up in the Glenrowan Inn, with drinks on us, as arranged. How's that sound?"

Scattered applause began throughout the room. Ned looked pleased and limped back to his table.

But Lorelie and Tanja both noticed that no applause came from the silent table in the corner. Instead they whispered together.

As added entertainment, the Kelly Gang had also brought the Great Orlando and his travelling circus, hence the backflipping monkey. They mingled with the rest of the townsfolk performing occasionally.

"Hey everyone, come and see the Great Orlando," Ned carolled. "Jugglin' four whisky bottles that he's helped to empty!"

By midnight, the crowded pub had halved as people drifted to bed. The Gang enjoyed ripping up floorboards to board up the windows to prevent escapes. But there were a couple of musicians who encouraged the remaining townspeople to dance. Joe never let Lorelie out of his arms and after a bit of persuasion and a few more drinks, Ned got Tanja on the floor as well. Dan was sound asleep in the corner, his body too young to deal with a combination of late nights and too much liquor. Also completely drunk, Steve stood on the side stamping his feet and clicking not in time to the music, giggling like a schoolgirl. He was supposed to be watching the front entrance and listening for the train. His last drink turned into a near fatal mistake.

Early into the morning, Tanja was too drunk on beer and love to stand without aid. Laughing, Ned had no problem with that. He helped her walk to an empty room where she could sleep off her hangover. Lorelie was in a dark corner, locked on Joe's lips.

Noticing that all the remotely sober bushrangers were otherwise occupied, Curnow approached Steve with a tear in his eye. "Please sir," he said in a low voice. "You must let me leave."

Steve struggled to focus his bloodshot eyes on the distraught teacher. "Why i'shat?

"My wife and children are sick," he pleaded. "I must go home to them. I could never forgive myself if I wasn't there if any of them died."

"You know cow'sh have four schtomachs?"

"I never intended to be here this long. I just needed a brief break from nursing them all day."

Steve looked in deep thought. He leant forward and peered closely at Curnow. After studying him for a few moments, he opened his mouth to give his verdict… and tumbled off the chair in a drunken slumber. Curnow took this opportunity to slip silently through the door.

A few minutes later, Joe dragged himself away from Lorelie and sidled up to the table now occupied by two silent men. He started to refill their glasses. "Cheer up men, it's not every day you're a witness to history. Isn't this what schoolteachers dream of, Curnow?" His eyes took in the empty seat. "Where's Curnow?"

Mr Bracken and the stationmaster glared back in silent triumph. Joe took a quick look around the room and took off in the direction he had seen Ned disappear.

"Joe, what is it?" Lorelie called, alarmed by his haste.

Bursting into the corridor lined with doors leading to the private rooms, Joe ran down it. He opened each closed door and stuck his head in every room. "Ned? _Ned?_"

Finally he found Ned in a room with Tanja. To his relief, they were still dressed and were just talking. Ned looked at Joe in annoyance as he interrupted his chat but it quickly turned to alarm when he saw Joe's face. "What's the matter?"

"Curnow's gone."

Ned jumped up. "What-?"

He was cut off by a shout from Lorelie. "Someone help!"

Pulled from her haze by shock, Tanja was first out of the room and rushed to aid her friend. By the time the three of them returned to the tavern, there was only one man still at the silent table; the stationmaster.

Lorelie stood against the door. "Mr Bracken got out too."

All eyes turned to Steve's inert body lying on the floor. Furious, Ned strode up and jerked him awake. "Wake up, you drunken pisspot! What happened to Curnow? Did he get out?"

"His… his cow was sick," Steve stammered trying to clear his head. "And I think his wife had four stomachs."

"What?"

"I don't know!" he cried. "I can't-"

"Shh!" Tanja interrupted suddenly.

"But I-"

"Shut up!" Tanja ran to the door and swung it open. Then she stood and listened. Then everyone could hear it. The unmistakable sound of train brakes screeching to bring the train to a stop. It grew louder until everyone in the Inn came back to the tavern and even Dan woke up. Then there was silence.

The Gang was horrified. "Curnow stopped the train," Joe whispered.

Dan looked close to tears. "We didn't get any of them?"

"Two hundred coppers are gonna surround the place," Steve muttered. "All because I couldn't stay sober. It's all my fault."

"It's not your fault," Ned replied. He picked up his armour which was lying by the bar. "Let's give these scum a showdown to remember."

"No." Tanja jerked the heavy breastplate from his hands and immediately dropped it. "There's an alternative. You can leave. Go out the back."

"We can't do that!" Joe cried.

"Bullshit you can't!" Lorelie shot back. There were some scandalised whispers from the crowd. Lorelie turned to them and said, "I apologise to anyone who doesn't like this sort of language but," turning back to Joe, "swallow your manly pride and save your fucking arse."

The look on Joe's face showed that his opinion had changed on the transformation of "demure wrenches and sweet singers". Lorelie looked at Tanja. "We have a plan."

The four Gang members and the two women clustered together while Lorelie explained the plan and Tanja added in the important details. They were all surprised by its simplicity and its guarantee to work.

"When did you two come up with this?" Ned wondered.

Tanja laughed. "We made it up over lunch on Lorelie's 17th birthday."

Ned looked at Joe. "What are you thinkin' Joe?"

"I'm thinking we get this show on the road."

Outside, two hundred coppers and fifty horses swarmed off the train. One stood talking to Curnow who held a scarf and a lantern in his hands. The others started to make their way stealthily to the Glenrowan Inn, which was less than 700m away.

Like a swarm of rats, they surrounded the weatherboard building. It was now quiet. No lanterns burned in the windows, no excited voices or laughter drifted through the now stormy night. The only sound was the drumming of rain on the tin roof and the night insects chirping their song.

Suddenly there was a shout from the Inn. "Don't shoot!" cried a voice, muffled from his helmet and rain. "We surrender! Don't shoot!"

All the coppers readied their guns as two figures shuffled out of the Inn doorway. Their arms were extended as the armour prevented them from raising them too much higher. In the dim light, the coppers could only just make out that they were empty. Superintendent Hare stood up. "Drop to the ground!" he ordered over the drum of the rain. "Where are the other two?"

As the men fell into the mud, a voice came from the larger figure. "We wouldn't let the younger blokes come on this outing. It's just us two."

The entire platoon of police ran up and surrounded the outlaws. One young copper fired his gun in the air. "We've caught Ned Kelly and Joe Byrne!"

But Hare studied the facedown figures. With his knife he cut the rope holding the armour over their shoulders and the figures were pulled to their feet. Their helmets were removed and the astonished coppers were faced with two young women. "Who the hell are you?"

Lorelie and Tanja burst out laughing. "We're the Kelly Gang!" they screamed.

Much against their will, Ned and his gang filed out the back door. Waiting for them were their horses. Swiftly and silently they mounted and rode off into the night. Ned looked back.

"They're there," he said flatly.

Joe turned back as well. "How can you tell?"

"Look." Ned pointed into the night. "You can see some of the red ends from their cigarettes. Some of these coppers are so dense."

Joe shook his head. "Smokin'. It'll be the end of you some how."

As they started on their shameful ride from what they thought would be their glorious showdown, Ned and Joe remembered their final words with the two women they now knew they loved.

"What about you?" Ned had asked.

Tanja and Lorelie exchanged a look. "We hadn't thought that far."

Ned blinked back tears and spurred Mirth into a gallop, resolving to come back for them.

But things weren't over for Lorelie and Tanja. Their laughter was cut short as Hare backhanded Tanja. "You bastard!" Lorelie screamed. Outraged, she tried to leap at him but received a rifle handle in her stomach.

"You two are under arrest," Hare announced.

"What?" Tanja cried, her cheek red from the blow. "You've got nothing on us. You've no reason to arrest us."

Hare produced a piece of paper that immediately became soaked and unreadable from the relentless rain. "This is a document endorsing the Outlaw Act against the Kelly Gang. We and every other citizen have the authority to shoot the Kelly Gang on the spot and arrest anyone whom we so suspect to having connections with these men."

"What makes you think we have… connections with them?" Lorelie asked, picking her words carefully.

"Why else would you have risked your lives for them." Hare smiled in satisfaction. "Where are they?"

The women stared back defiantly. "Like you said, we risked our lives for them," said Lorelie. "Why would we change our minds now?"

"Because you didn't just risk your lives, you gave them up." Ignoring their shocked looks, Hare turned to his men. "Load them onto the train. Do not treat them gently just because they are women. On our return to Greta they will be tried for treason."

Before they could protest, Lorelie and Tanja were dragged to the train and thrown aboard into the prison car. It was a dark carriage with one small window that was lined with bars. Several other coppers headed into the Inn to interview the guests and search the place. They found nothing and returned to the train.

As the door was bolted behind them, both women dropped to the floor. They were soaked, muddy, tired and scared. Nothing looked like it was going to get any better. As the train started off, Lorelie turned to Tanja. "Was it worth it?"

Tanja remembered Ned's deep voice, his warm eyes and Irish charisma. She smiled wryly. "Oh yeah."

The train rattled off down the track, where the sun was just beginning to rise.

The Kelly Gang had stopped riding not long after dawn. They were now far away in the bush, heading in the general direction of Greta. They had watched from a hill as Lorelie and Tanja had been forced into the train. It now seemed an unspoken agreement that they would ride to Greta and find out what had happened to them. They didn't know what to do then, as they were now short two suits of armour.

Wordlessly Ned led his gang through the bush. They knew the outback so well after their year on the run. Eventually they reached the scorched area from when the coppers had tried to flush them out with fire. Of course, it hadn't worked but the travel back had nearly been the end of them. As they were going cross country they were able to head to Greta at a leisurely pace as the train had to curl its way around the bush and hills.

After two days of light travel, the Kelly Gang stood on a hill on the outskirts of Greta and watched the train carrying Lorelie and Tanja pull into the station. From the distance they couldn't tell what state the two women were in.

Dan sighed and turned to Ned. "Any ideas yet, big brother?" Ned silently shook his head. He had been silent with worry ever since their escape from Glenrowan.

Finally Joe spoke up. "They came up with their plan over lunch on Lorelie's seventeenth birthday, right?"

"Right."

"It's Dan's eighteenth in a few days. Maybe we'll have the same luck."

With such a ridiculous 'plan', Ned was edgy. "I can't leave Tanja in that prison for four days. We have to get them out before then."

"Have you got a better idea?" Things were getting tense.

Ned rubbed his hands over his face. "Ok, we do this the old fashioned way. We'll scout around the town for information. We still have several hours of light left. We'll meet at the hill behind my place at sundown. Any questions?"

Everyone shook their heads. "Right," said Ned. "Now let's get goin'."

The train ride had been long and painful for Lorelie and Tanja. They had not seen sunlight save the tiny filters that made it through their barred window for two days. They had not seen a copper since their arrest. Two bland meals per person per day were pushed through a flap at the bottom of door. Tanja passed the time by using her vivid imagination and ability to sleep anywhere to transport herself somewhere else, somewhere in the very close vicinity of Ned Kelly. All that was on Lorelie's mind was how badly she needed a glass of port and a shot of Joe Byrne.

"Do you reckon we'll get hung?" Lorelie asked.

"God, I hope not. I think that's more of a man's thing."

"What happened to Ned's mother? She got arrested for attempted murder."

Tanja thought for a moment. "I think she got three years hard labour. That's not so bad. There's hope for us." Though the look on Tanja's face said that she would prefer death to getting her hands dirty.

"Do you reckon we'll get better or worse off for treason?"

"I don't know. Three hundred years ago and we'd be sentenced to death for treason. That's what happened in Shakespeare."

"Oh." Lorelie was silent for a moment. "Do you reckon-"

"Lorelie!"

"This one's important," she assured. Tanja rolled her eyes. "Do you reckon they'll come back for us?"

Even with all her theories, that Tanja didn't have an answer for.

Abruptly the train came to a screeching halt. Tanja blocked her ears. "This is definitely the same train we heard at the Inn," she complained.

Lorelie strained to see through the tiny window. "I think we're in Greta."

"Great," her friend muttered. "The only place in Victoria besides Melbourne with a gallows."

"I thought you said we wouldn't be hung."

There came the clash of bolts on the other side of the door. Lorelie jumped from the window and ran next to Tanja. "You wanna fight our way out?" She sounded excited.

The sight of five coppers bearing guns gave her her answer. Their hands were handcuffed and they were marched across the street to the police station and adjacent prison. They were taken straight into the prison. The walls were dark and warped with damp. The cells were worse. Lorelie was thrown into one cell near the front of the prison. She expected Tanja to follow her or at least be put in the cell next door. To her shock, the door was shut and locked and Tanja was taken further into the prison.

"Where are you taking her?" Lorelie screamed.

"Somewhere you will not be able to plot against the righteousness of the Victorian Justice System," replied one officer, putting his face right up to the bars on the cell door. He was so close that Lorelie could smell brandy on his breath. The fumes enveloped him like a cloud.

"Constable Alexander Fitzpatrick. Your alcoholic reputation precedes you."

Fitzpatrick looked confused. "How did you know my name?"

Lorelie just glared at him. "You know, nasty little fellows such as yourself always get their comeuppance."

Fitzpatrick just laughed and followed the coppers down the hall with their second prisoner. Tanja looked back and caught the pained look on Lorelie's face as they were separated.

The maze of hallways went on and on. Tanja wondered, even if Ned did come to rescue her, how she would ever find her way out. "Why am I getting put all the way down here?" she asked. "Wouldn't it be easier to keep an eye on such a traitor if I were kept closer to the officers quarters?" She received a mere grunt in reply.

A small copper with thick dark hair spoke up. "According to your friends in the Kelly Gang, you only need a gun to keep an eye on someone."

Tanja studied him and his description clicked in her mind. "Are you Constable McIntyre?" The man's guilty look gave it away. She smiled. "Say, could you treat me with the same courtesy as you did my _friends in the Kelly Gang_. I could really use some toast." McIntyre didn't reply but looked embarrassed. "Didn't you promise to leave the force when they released you at Stringy Bark Creek? Why are you still here?" No answer. "McIntyre!"

"Because they didn't release me!" McIntyre cried. "I had to escape on my now deceased friend's horse. He killed three of my colleagues and I demand revenge!"

"Constable Lonigan deserved to die," she muttered.

All the coppers went red and Tanja was shoved roughly into a similar cell to Lorelie, though she was the entire length of the prison away. The door was bolted and she was left alone.

That night Ned, Joe and Dan stood on the hill behind the Kelly farm just after the sun sank below the horizon. Steve was not yet there. "Do we wait for him?" Dan asked.

Anyone could tell that Dan and Ned were itching to get home and see their sisters. It had been about a month since they had last seen them. So Joe remained on the hill while Ned and Dan returned to their small hut.

Kate was just finishing her dismal serve of soup with Grace and Ellen when Devil, their pet dog, answered an unheard call and bolted from the hut. "Dammit," Kate muttered. "Grace, help Ellen with her soup." Then she hurried after the dog.

"Devil," she called softly. There was no answering patter of feet and then she saw the front door was partially ajar. She stepped into the night. "Devil…"

A quiet voice answered. "Kate?"

Kate stifled her scream as she immediately recognised the voice. "Ned? Oh my God!" She ran into the arms of her older brother. The thick beard he had grown lately got in the way but she didn't care. Looking over his shoulder, she saw her second brother Dan, waiting for his hug.

After hugs had been handed around, she led them inside. "What are you doin' here? This place has been crawlin' with coppers ever since that business with Fitzpatrick. You're not safe here." She looked around. "Where are the other two?"

"They'll be along shortly," replied Ned. He noticed Grace and Ellen sitting at the table. "My God, how you two have grown! Christ Grace, you'll be almost as tall as Dan now."

"They're just bout to go to bed now," Kate replied. "Aren't you?" she said, turning to the girls.

Grace gave both her brothers a hug, while standing up tall next to Dan, but Ellen ran straight into the other room. Ned was disappointed. "What's wrong with Ellen?"

"She doesn't remember you," his sister explained. "She's almost four and a year is a long time for her." Then she got straight to business. "What are you doin' here?"

Ned and Dan set about explaining their situation. The last time they had visited their home was not long before they headed for Glenrowan so they didn't have much to fill in besides the predicament regarding Lorelie and Tanja. Just as they were finishing Steve and Joe burst in.

"Shh," Kate warned. "You'll wake the girls."

Steve barely nodded a greeting before turning to Ned. "I've got news." He was so excited that his words started tumbling out of his mouth and no one could understand him. "There'll be no coppers… Bloody bugger deserved to die anyway… But we can save them… We got two days."

Ned looked at Joe in confusion. "They arrested Wild Wright," he explained. "He's been tried and condemned to death the day after tomorrow. It's gonna be the biggest hangin' they can get around here, save ours of course, so pretty much every copper's gonna be there. There'll be hardly anyone guardin' the prison. It's our best chance. We can storm the prison and save them."

"What about Wild? Can we just let an old friend die?" Ned was sceptical.

"We were never sure how genuine a friend he was. He gave you that horse that put you behind bars for three years. He knew it was stolen. Plus he deserves to die this time. He murdered a man."

Ned fell silent. "In a way," Steve added slowly, "he'll be giving his life for someone else. We couldn't save Lorelie and Tanja if he wasn't keepin' all the coppers occupied."

"Ok," Ned agreed. "What time is he being hung?"

"10:00am."

Kate broke in. "You blokes cheated death once. Why are you gonna risk it again? Are these women so important to you?" She looked at Ned who nodded before turning to Joe. "This girl isn't _that_ important to you, is she?" she asked with a flirtatious smile. When he nodded too, her face fell. Joe was a well-known player in Greta with the young women.

Joe's face held not a trace of remorse at perhaps breaking this girl's heart. "Alright, so what do we need? We're low on firearms. We couldn't carry all our loot from Glenrowan with such a hasty getaway. Each of us have just two pistols."

"And we can't go back for them," spoke up Dan. "The coppers got everythin' when they raided the Inn. Do we have anythin' here, Kate?"

"All our guns were taken in the first raid by the coppers," replied Kate, shaking her head. "We've nothin' more dangerous than a poker for the fire."

"Do you reckon you could get some more?" Ned asked slowly.

His sister considered this. "I guess so. I could scout around a coupla farms, see what they got. Might not be much. Pretty much everyone round here's had their guns confiscated."

"Tomorrow," Ned ordered, "I need you to go around to every farm within half a days ride from here. Get every gun you can borrow. Say you got a rabbit problem or somethin'. Bring all of it back here by sundown."

Kate nodded, thrilled to be able to help the infamous Kelly Gang. Ned continued. "Dan and Steve, you have the borin' but important job. I need you to watch the prison. You'll need to stay there all day. Head off before dawn. Make sure you're _not_ seen. Gather any information you can, where Wild is being held, where the girls are being held, whether they'll be on trial, how many guards will still be there on the day of the hangin', anything like that. No detail is too small. You also should be back here just after sundown. Bein' so close to the coppers, you may need the cover of darkness to make your way back here."

"If we can, do you want us to talk to Wild?" Steve asked.

"No." Ned was very firm. "Like Joe said, we're not that sure on how genuine a friend he is. He might give us away."

"What about Lorelie and Tanja?"

"No, don't do that either."

Kate spoke up. "What will you do?"

"We need to see a man about a… um…" Ned faltered, his face red.

"We're gonna go see the merchant," Joe finished.

"About a dog?" Dan looked genuinely confused.

The two older men would say no more and the group soon went to bed. They had a big day tomorrow.

The following morning, Kate awoke to her normally quiet house. Dan and Steve had already left to watch the jail and Ned and Joe had obviously left on their secret mission. She shrugged before setting out to start her task. This included waking and feeding her sisters and sending them to school before she could even approach the first farm with her request.

Meanwhile, Ned and Joe made their way carefully across the well tended fields. Mr Willis had a large estate, the largest in Victoria outside Melbourne. The property lay on the outskirts of Greta, therefore the grounds stretched widely in many directions. An influential and prominent businessman, he was willing to help out anyone for a price. In the affair of the Kelly Gang, he had never really picked a side as he had been friends with the Kelly gang (indeed he had once fancied Mrs Kelly) but relied on the justice system for a large amount of his wealth. Putting Ellen behind bars was one of the hardest things he had ever done. Yet, he was a good man.

One of the many servants working the field spotted the bushrangers. He recognised their faces instantly from the many posters plastered around the town despite the fact that Ned had received a much needed shave and lost his distinctive beard. The servant was a Kelly sympathiser and approached them willingly, abandoning his task of picking oranges.

"What can I or my master do for you, Mr Kelly?"

Ned was rather quiet, perhaps missing the beard, so Joe spoke up. "Inform Mr Willis of our arrival and return to us. Of course," he added quickly, "if he has another visitor, ie a cop, do not tell him. Come straight back out and we'll return later."

"Of course, Mr Byrne, sir." The servant bowed slightly and hurried to the mansion.

Ned and Joe sat down under a large tree and started eating the fruit that lay in a basket nearby that the servant had already picked. They sat in silence. "Nice bloke," Ned said suddenly.

"Yeah, Sid's a decent guy." More silence. "Nice oranges too."

"Yeah." Ned started peeling his third.

The next silence lasted a while.

"Nervous."

Ned spat out a pip. "God yeah. I'm practically shittin' myself right now."

"Well these oranges sure ain't gonna help," Joe replied. They glanced at each other before bursting out in nervous laughter. They kept going and by the time Sid returned, they were rolling on the ground in hysterics.

"Umm… my master is not busy and you may see him right away."

Joe got up, helping Ned to his feet as well. Ned wiped orange juice off his chin, now glad he didn't have the beard, while Joe shook peel out of his curly hair. Ned smothered a smile. "Nice oranges," was all he said. Then he headed towards the house with Joe. Once Sid was out of hearing he turned back to his friend. "What was so funny?"

"I wouldn't have a clue," Joe replied.

Back at his tree, Sid climbed back up his ladder to refill his basket.

Mr Willis met Ned and Joe in his library. He was still in his dressing gown, but then the rich could get away with wearing anything. He was seated behind his elaborate desk and gestured to two chairs before him.

"So, what can I do for you men today?"

Ned had now recovered from the loss of his beard and spoke up. "We need your help sir."

"Of course you do, otherwise you would be out robbing a bank or something. Or rescuing your mother," he added, unable to keep a wistful note from his voice.

"That's why we're here, Mr Willis," Joe said excitedly.

Mr Willis looked interested. "You're going to rescue Ellen?"

"Her too," Ned corrected. "We are indebted to two women who are being held in the prison. They helped save our lives and have been arrested because of it. We feel we owe it to them to get them out again. In the process of their rescue, we plan to save my mother as well."

Mr Willis nodded. "And how do you plan to do this?"

Ned and Joe looked at each other. "_That's_ why we're here," Joe said, looking embarrassed.

"You need my help?"

"Yeah."

Mr Willis cleared his throat. "And why do you think I am going to help you?"

The bushrangers exchanged another look and Ned turned back slyly. "I just hate to think of poor Mama in that dirty, infested gaol cell," he said sighing.

"With all that grime and muck on her pretty dresses," Joe chimed in.

"And her hands chapped from the cold and hard labour."

"And those slimy coppers who always have time for women serving time."

"Oi!" Ned shot a look at his friend who shrugged apologetically.

Something had changed in Mr Willis' face. He leant back in his chair. "Point taken gentlemen. What can I do you for?"

Ned looked confused but got the general gist. He sighed in relief. "Thankyou Mr Willis."

The merchant smiled. "I think it's time you started to call me Bruce."

Now that the men were on first name basis, they got down to business. Bruce explored his library for a moment before returning to his desk with a pile of yellowed paper. He dumped them in front of Ned and Joe. "These are blueprints of the Greta Jail. Unless it has been remodelled in the last two years they are completely accurate, down to the last mouse-hole." His visitors started to inspect the layout. "When are you planning on attempting this breakout?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!" Bruce cried. "Why so soon?"

"You prob'ly know that Wild Wright is bein' hung tomorrow at 10:00am," Ned explained calmly. "His execution will occupy the attention of the majority of the force. If we attack during his hangin', we won't have to take on the entire Greta police force."

Bruce sighed and shook his head. "That doesn't leave me much time. You have no idea how you want to do this." They shook their heads as well. "We have a lot of work to do."

They bent their heads over the blueprints and worked the whole day. Bruce made up a list of all the people who he thought would be willing to help them. Then he called a servant and handed him the list. "I want you to contact all these people and ask them to gather at my house at 4:00pm today. It is urgent." The servant hurried off. Then he called a second servant. "Go to the Kelly farm and wait there for Dan and Steve to return."

"It'll be after dark," Ned said.

"Bring them back here as soon as possible. Oh, and take a basket of food for dear Kate and her sisters." With a smile, the servant left in the direction of the kitchens.

Joe pointed at one page detailing a back corner of the jail. "The gallows is right next to the jail?"

Bruce and Ned seemed confused by his surprise. "You didn't know that?"

"I thought the coppers would be far away. Whatever we plan to do, we're gonna have to be mighty quiet."

"That's true."

"And if anythin' goes wrong, they'll be able to call for reinforcements."

"That is also true."

They tossed different plans back and forth all day. There always seemed an endless amount of flaws and ways things could go wrong. They couldn't rely on a large force of guns as they didn't know how many Kate would be able to get. Ned was thoughtful.

"Maybe we're going 'bout this the wrong way," he said. He seemed to be on the verge of something. "When… when Lorelie and Tanja took on the cops, they pretended to be us. The element of surprise may be able to work better if we don't look like we're 'bout to take over the place."

"So, you're saying we don't barge in there face first and guns blazin'," Joe said.

"Not necessarily… but I haven't thought any farther on that subject."

By that time, several farmers had started arriving at the mansion. They were shown into the library and were supplied with plenty of food and wine while the reason for their being here was made clear. Perhaps it was due to the amount of alcohol but every man was willing to help.

The last farmer to arrive was Mr Alibrandi. He had brought his wife along as well for a reason that no one could understand. The Italian farmer was rattling off in his heavily accented voice in a tone that sounded scolding to the woman while she wailed in their native language. She had also brought her baby whose crying added to the growing level of noise in the room.

"Who can think with all this noise? I can't hear my own thoughts, let alone anyone else's ideas." Joe was frustrated and picked up his ale. Ned paused, took it from his hand and skolled it all down, slamming the empty tankard down decisively.

"Men, I think I'm getting something," he announced. Joe looked at the tankard, not impressed.

"Yeah, getting mighty pissed."

"Shut up Joe. Ok, we need all the cattle we can get."

"We're planning a rescue, not a barbecue."

"_Shut up Joe_. The only barbecue we'll have is your arse on a stick." Joe sat in silence, his pride wounded. "I just thought that if Wild escaped, all the coppers would head after him."

"Then what have the cattle got to do with it, genius?"

"Joe, one more word from you and I will shove this tankard up your arse and then we'll see how it barbecues."

Bruce was getting impatient. "Would someone _please_ get Mr Byrne a drink?"

"Of turpentine," Ned muttered. Once Joe's mood was restored by the non-turpentine drink, the scheming continued.

"S'pose we create such a confusion around the gallows that Wild escapes, instead of 75 of the coppers gathered next to the jail, 99 of them will be tramping around the bush looking for him. We could use the cattle to provide a commotion for long enough to free Wild."

"Yeah, and after that we can just leave him to rot in the bush." Wild was no longer popular.

"Exactly. While the coppers are all confused with the herd of cattle, someone can ride up, take out the hangman and get Wild on the back of the horse." Ned started drawing diagrams. Things were starting to get into motion. "Ride to the bush and hide. We can have several decoys dressed like him to really confuse the pursuit.

"Stage two…"

His plan was interrupted by the arrival of Dan and Steve. Dan looked in amazement at the number of people in the room while Steve made a beeline for the booze. "Steve…" Ned's voice called out commandingly. "You stay sober tonight. What have you found out Dan?"

Every head turned towards the boy, who immediately lost his tongue. "Ah… we found out Lorelie is in cell R2D2. It's right near the front so she should be easy to get out."

"Ok, good. What about Tanja?"

Dan looked ashamed. "She's in cell C3PO."

"Hey," a reasonably drunk farmer called out. "I just got an idea for a great movie. Set in the far future… where people fly around in space."

"Eugene, now is not the time for your fantasies."

In a dark corner, a man known as George Lucas stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"_Anyway_!" Ned silenced them. "Where is cell… C6H4O2."

"C3PO," Dan corrected, the importance of his news going to his head. "At this stage in our investigation, we are under the impression that it is located… somewhere… in the vicinity of the Greta Correction Facility."

The long words were too much for Ned's alcohol induced state so he turned to Bruce. "Eh?"

"He means, she's somewhere in the jail."

Ned looked up from under his lids. "Brilliant deduction," he drawled sarcastically. Suddenly, he didn't seem so drunk and Dan sat down abashed. "Now, stage two…"

The plans continued well into the morning.

The next morning, Wild Wright snarled at his guards as he was led to the gallows. An air of excitement hung around the police station. This hanging would regain the police force the respect they lost with the Kelly fiasco. At exactly 9:53 they escorted the criminal out to the gallows. A minute later, the chaplain began reading the last rites, while the hangman fidgeted impatiently.

Meanwhile, the very large Pastrami family was making their way into the gaol offices in a very agitated state.

"Sir, we have come to visit our son. We demand to see that lazy, layabout, no good boy." The man's face was purple with rage, while his wife sobbed into a lace hanky.

"His name, sir?" The policeman looked flustered, particularly as the two teenage boys accompanying them were looking with interest at the documents on the desk. He moved them to a drawer before they could see the pages of Playboy.

"Ah! His name! He is not worthy of the good Pastrami name! He shall be cast out-" The beginnings of a very long tirade was interrupted by his wife's wailings.

"Mia figlio! La mia bambino bello! Ohh, mia Georgio."

"Rii-iight. Jolly good. George Ravioli was it?" The officer began to flick through the files.

"No! No! Georgio Pas-tra-mi," the irate man sounded out. "Il stupido Inglese… farfalla," he muttered, ignoring the touch of amusement in his wife's eyes as he stumbled over the Italian words.

The officer finished his search of his papers. "I'm sorry Mr Pasketti but we don't have a man by that name in here."

"His name is Pastrami," the man replied, quickly loosing patience. "And I know he is in here somewhere. He was arrested only a few days ago."

"Noi abbiamo la lavoro carta," Mrs Pastrami cried and dumped a load of papers in front of the confused man. The papers, though fake, looked authentic as they were provided by Bruce. The officer looked at them and found, to his dismay, that they were written in Italian.

"Look sir, I'm going to have to call my superior," he said, appearing glad to have someone deal with this unintelligible family. He called over his shoulder. "Frank!"

Constable Frank was in the neighbouring office. He quickly hid his copy of Kinky Kops and made his way into the foyer. The sight astounded him. No less then 20 hysterical Italians were crowded into the small room.

"Is there a problem here Bill?"

"It's Bob sir. These people claim there's a Jerry Fettuccine here but he's not on the records," he said. Aside, he added, "they seem a bit..." and tapped the side of his head with his forefinger.

"Yes Brian, I can see they have heads. Let me see those records." He turned to Mr Pastrami and assured him that any mistake would soon be cleared up.

"Giorgo Pastrami," the man said, "is our son, and he is in this building, but this imbicile non comprehende." As he became angrier, he forgot to speak English. Flicking through the files, Frank was at a loss.

"I'm sorry, he doesn't appear to be here."

The round Mrs Pastrami elbowed in beside her husband sobbing. "Loro hanno morto lui! Hanno hung mio bambino delle accidente. Murderer! Murderer!" The woman had worked herself up into hysterics, and was now screaming.

A chorus of screams joined in throughout the family. "Murderer! Morte! Giorgio!" The noise became deafening.

Frank had to scream to be heard over the noise. "People, we will take you through the whole jail. If your son is in the building, we will find him!"

As a crowd of hysterical relatives, the Pastramis surged through the small door that led to the cells. The officers were swept up in the rush and tried to push their way to the front and regain control of the crowd. Frank, though quickly developing a sore throat due to his yelling, called, "Everyone please follow me and Constable Bill and we will take you through the cells."

In her cell, Lorelie heard a large amount of screaming heading down her corridor. She couldn't see who was coming until a crowd of brightly dressed people rushed past. They were babbling in a language partially familiar to Lorelie and she discerned it to be Italian. She had no idea Greta was home to so many wogs.

One woman peered into Lorelie's cell. Lorelie thought she saw a sparkle of recognition and delight in the woman's eyes. Then she sighed heavily and turned to Frank. "These cells… terrible. Prisoners easy break out." She caught Lorelie's eyes again for a moment. "Look at lock. Easy reach for prisoner."

Frank moved the woman along quickly. Confused, Lorelie tried to work out what the woman was on about. Was she trying to tell her something? Or was she just crazy? She couldn't work it out. As the troupe passed into another hallway, she stuck her hand through the bars and realised that the lock was in easy reach. Maybe it was possible to escape.

Lorelie waited for Fitzpatrick to come past on his rounds.

The family and their escorts made their way further into the jail. They encountered several coppers wandering around the facility but the wailings of the crowd stopped any questions they might have had. Near the back of the prison, they found Tanja in her cell. Abruptly Mrs Pastrami started screaming with renewed strength, as if the past few minutes of it hadn't tired her at all.

"Giorgio, mio bambino! Perche é tu?" She turned to Frank and threw herself at him. Then she spoke in perfect English. "You must let him out!"

The entire crowd took up the cry. "You must let him out!" The sound was deafening. Amazed, Tanja moved to her doorway and looked in shock at the group not far from her cell.

One young man was standing right by her door. He was speaking quietly and Tanja realised he wasn't saying the same thing.

"You must get out."

"What?"

"You must get out," he repeated just as softly, lest a copper should hear.

"What do you mean?" But the group moved off. The boy moved too. Tanja was left to wonder if what he said was possible.

At 9:56 Fitzpatrick started his round of his charges. His first was Lorelie. He peered into her cell. She could see the brandy bottle in his hand and it gave her an idea.

"How are we doing this morning?"

"Actually, rather confused," Lorelie replied in her most conversational tone.

"Really?" Fitzpatrick moved a chair to the door of her cell and sat down, occasionally taking a swig from his bottle. "And why is that?"

Lorelie looked at her hands, trying to appear dejected. "I don't know why I did what I did. I don't know why I tried to go against the Victorian law. It was so… wrong of me."

Fitzpatrick looked pleased. "It's good to see you're seeing the wrong of your ways."

Lorelie pretended to blink back tears. Then she looked at his bottle, more than half-full. "Can I've a drink?" He hesitated. "I feel so wretched, I need something to help me forget my sorrows."

Reluctantly he passed the bottle threw the bars. Lorelie closed her lips and pretended to take a mouthful. Then she coughed and choked. "Oh God, that stuff's strong." She passed it back.

He appeared pleased and took another long draught. "Yeah, you've gotta be a man to drink this stuff."

"I bet you couldn't skoll the rest of that bottle."

"I bet I could."

"Ok, I dare you."

Fitzpatrick agreed. "Ok, what do I get if I do?"

She considered this. "I'll buy you another bottle when I get out."

"Deal." Fitzpatrick raised the bottle to his mouth and drank. The brandy burned his mouth but he didn't want to appear weak so he kept going. The drink spilled around his mouth and ran down his clothes. But he kept drinking. The bottle was slowly emptying. Laura silently urged him on, not because she wanted him to win. Finally the last drop rolled into his mouth.

"Well done," Lorelie said. "Now go to sleep." As if obeying the order, Fitzpatrick closed his eyes and fell off the chair. "Idiot."

Suddenly there was a rumbling noise. The ground shook and dust fell from the walls. Lorelie grabbed the bars of her cell to steady herself. Fitzpatrick slept on.

Just outside, the executioner had just walked up to the lever to deliver Wild Wright the short distance to his death. The drums from the police band were rolling. Then the drummers stopped but the noise didn't. Everyone looked around in confusion. Then a herd of cattle came charging down the street towards the gallows. Pandemonium broke out and people ran around screaming, trying to get out of the way of the unstoppable mass of beef. The coppers were separated and there was nothing they could do.

Holding onto one cattle was Dan. He was hidden from view as he was holding on Indian style. He steered his steed towards the gallows, chiefly towards the stairs. Deciding at the last minute to abandon the plan of him rushing up the stairs to save a man he didn't particularly like, he ran straight into it. As it was only wooden, they shattered instantly. The whole structure swayed dangerously. Another man climbed up over the back and assailed the hangman. Caught by surprise, the executioner toppled straight off the structure and knocked himself out on a piece of broken staircase. Two quick strokes of the man's knife released Wild from his noose and bonds. Finally a horse came riderless through the pack of cattle. At the request of the man, Wild jumped on and the man disappeared into the throngs of panicking villagers. By that time, the number of cattle was thinning. The coppers were able to regain some sense of composure. But that was lost at the sight of their prized criminal riding at full speed down the street. He had disappeared around a corner before anyone could get a shot at him.

"Call for reinforcements!" Hare hollered. "Find that bastard and shoot him on the spot!"

A copper ran into the office and rang a large bell that hung near the door. It was to summon every copper in the building outside as there was an emergency. As a group of coppers headed down her corridor, Lorelie slipped the ring of keys from Fitzpatrick's belt. One copper stopped and looked at the unconscious Constable. "Is he dead?"

"No, just drunk," Lorelie corrected lightly.

After checking that he was still breathing, the copper disappeared out the door. As soon as it was clear, Lorelie started trying the keys.

Constable McIntyre heard the bell and came racing out of his warden office. As he passed Tanja's cell, she reached out and grabbed his sleeve. "Please sir, what's going on?"

Impatient to obey orders, his reply was brief. "None of your business."

Tanja pulled him back as he tried to leave again. "What's going on? Please, are we gonna die?"

Using her best acting skills, Tanja tried to appear on the brink of hysteria. McIntyre hastened to reassure her. "We will sort it out. Everything will be okay." He thought this woman was very frightened. Her hysteria frightened even him. He hurried off and Tanja looked at the necklace in her hand. In all her grabbings at his coat, he hadn't noticed when she had torn it from around his neck. On it there were several keys. One of them had to fit her lock.

Constable Frank had run at the first sound of the bell, leaving Constable Bob to deal with the Italians. When it was clear that there was only one copper left in the entire facility, Ned threw a solid punch at the copper's jaw. He went out like a light. Then the bushranger ditched his disguise turned to the crowd. "Spread out! Find them!" He took off down one hall with Joe not far behind.

The rest of the crowd spread out as well. Mrs Alibrandi wiped tears off her face and silently congratulated herself on her amazing act. She hurried off with her husband, aka Mr Pastrami.

Lorelie was quickly free from her cell. She gave Fitzpatrick a childish kick as she took off into the jail. She had to find Tanja. She took the ring of keys just in case.

Meanwhile, Tanja was doing the same thing. She had successfully opened her door and was searching for her way out. She knew Lorelie was somewhere near the front. But she quickly became lost in the twisting hallways. Every one looked the same and she couldn't remember how she got in the day before yesterday.

Ned sent Joe down another corridor and continued searching down another. He and every other 'Italian' had in his or her pocket a blueprint of the jail so he had no fear of getting lost, just finding Tanja.

Eventually Ned rounded a corner and entered a hallway that split four ways. In each of the doorways stood Tanja, Lorelie and Joe. Everyone seemed as shocked as the other. But Ned just grabbed Tanja's hand and headed back down the corridor he had come from. "Explanations later. Let's go."

Together again, they ran through the now silent prison. They met no one. "Where has everyone gone?" Joe asked Ned.

"They probably found my mother and have left," he replied.

It took Tanja a second to realise that she was back with Ned. She was out of her cell, on her way out of the jail with her hand in his. Now if they could only find the way out…

Eventually they found their way outside. After so long in a dark cell, the sunlight was blinding to Lorelie and Tanja. But they had now the most dangerous part of their rescue attempt: to get from the jail to any form of cover, in broad daylight, with every possibility of running into a copper wherever they went.

Their prayers were answered in the form of a large carriage rolling up and stopping right in front of them. Bruce stuck his head out the window. "Get in, you buggers. Come on, we don't have all day!"

Recovering from his initial shock, Ned helped the two women into the carriage before jumping in after Joe. Bruce thumped the roof and the carriage sped off. From beneath the seat, Bruce pulled several suitcases.

"What are these for?" Ned asked.

"You have to leave the country." He held up his hand against the complaints. "This is not negotiable. I have made the arrangements. You are good outlaws," he said fondly, "but your weakness is the manner in which you conduct your battles. I am sending you to England. We will transfer you to a private carriage just outside Greta. Dan and Steve will meet you there. From there you will head to Melbourne where a ship will bear you to England. In the suitcases are clothes, money, passports, identification papers, anything you might need. And for God's sake Ned, change your clothes. You look like a cheap wog!"

Ned exchanged a smile with Ellen Kelly who was sitting silently beside Bruce. "Oh, it's gonna be great having you as a step-father."

THE END


End file.
